


can I get a kids menu and a margarita please

by huffspuffsblows



Series: opened at gunpoint at a local mcdonalds [5]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Donquixote Family feels, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:53:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25889143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huffspuffsblows/pseuds/huffspuffsblows
Summary: “But how to explain my obsession with destruction? Not self-immolation, but more of a disintegration - slow, like... sugar in water. I dissolve.”-Erika MeitnerMass murderer and brat she may be, but Baby 5 is also just a kid, a lady in training.
Relationships: Baby 5 & Buffalo
Series: opened at gunpoint at a local mcdonalds [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826923
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	can I get a kids menu and a margarita please

**Author's Note:**

> Baby 5 is the only good thing that came from this family, there, I said it.  
> Also this is based on a true story of a friend of mine

  
  
It isn’t fair. She’s a pirate, she’s maimed people at the very whim of the young master [and it gets so, so much easier with every head pat, with every lingering look at her, the warmth in her chest is much, much hotter than splashes of crimson on her hands]—she’s practically an adult at all of 11 years old! Baby 5’s family cares about her [why would they take in a kid like her if they didn’t want her? Didn’t need her?]. Train her and clothe and feed her.

But she doesn’t take kindly to being grounded. Told she can’t be friends with that boy from the town. She kicks her feet uselessly beneath her, flops onto her back on her bed, only to smack Buffalo in the eye.

“ _Ow_! Baby 5, don’t hit me! I’m gonna tell the young master and you’re gonna get hung upside down by your ankles!” The older boy shoots a pout at her though the power is diluted from the eye she’d nailed, now squinted. But Baby 5 isn’t worried, she can handle him.

“Can you move? I’m trying to have a moment here and you’re ruining it!” Her mouth tips into a scowl, pursed in a way she knows is going to look so kickass in red lipstick one day. Specifically Giolla’s that she keeps in her top drawer. Specifically—

“I was born before you, I have the right to lay here!” He insists, gives her a little nudge but not enough to push her off. Yet. She can see the gears in his head shaking off some dust. He doesn’t know if he wants to fight just yet.

“ _This is my bed, jerk_!”

She has no qualms and shoves him to the floor, where he lands with a squawk and a heavy thud.

Palms smoothing over her dress, Baby 5 takes a deep breath and moves with purpose towards the window.

Yanking it open, she nods to herself. Then takes the mattress she’s had leaned up against the wall [you never know when you need to steal another mattress from one of your pseudo guardians], drags it to the window, and shoves it out. It gets stuck immediately.

Instead of using Buffalo’s shrieking, angry gremlin form as a battering ram, she really puts her shoulder into it until it breaks free with a pop—and free falls down into the trash below. Pride beams from her face, she wipes the imagined dust from her hands.

“Are you really gonna sneak out? The young master’s gonna be mad! I’m gonna tell,” Buffalo shifts to his feet, frowning at her now and casting looks at the door, then at the window. Apparently he's over it for the moment.

“There’s candy under my mattress—its yours,” Baby 5 says flippantly. Buffalo already has her mattress pushed to the side by the word ‘candy’, big fists full of treats, mouth stained into a chocolate smile.

She takes another calming breath. The curtains flutter softly in the nighttime breeze, the scent of trash wafts in. Baby 5 is an agent for destruction honed by her beloved master. Sneaking out with her brilliant plan is just one more step to showing them what she can do. One foot in front of the other, plopping on the window sill, legs dangling down. Hands braced at her sides, she pushes off—

And promptly goes nowhere. “What the—” Wriggle, wriggle, wriggle and nothing. Baby 5 is stuck high above the ground with the dark looming beneath her like a wide, open mouth [and she can imagine the teeth--] into the unknown.

Buffalo has since finished the candy, his heavier footsteps sound behind her, not a comfort when his voice breaks, “Oh no, oh no young master’s gonna be so mad—he’s gonna skin us alive and use the leather to make new shoes! Then he’s gonna kick us with our skin shoes,” and it’s clear he’s started to cry by the phlegm in his horrid body mutilation descriptions.

That’s fine because Baby 5 has also started to cry, can’t believe her plan has been stopped not by an act of divine anything—but by the loop of her dress getting caught in the latch of the window.

Two crying kids yelling in the middle of the night isn’t exactly strange in the Donquixote family but when you’re Machvise and you’re out of things to eat you have to find ways to entertain yourself. He bursts through the door with a put upon frown of concern,

“What the hell’s going---” he sputters upon seeing Buffalo in tears and Baby 5’s flowery behind hanging from the window, then promptly collapses to the ground in high, shrieking guffaws. He’s unable to help even if he wanted to.

[He hadn’t really wanted to]

Now someone who gives not one iota to what the kids are doing is Pica, but having a tendency to lurk, he can’t help but hear the screaming and the laughter. Plus the door was open. Squeezing into the doorway with all the dignity of a semi-truck, he takes one look at the kids and one glance at Machvise, then sighs this deep, heart-wrenching sigh.

Baby 5 will never, ever live down the travesty of being shimmied out of her dress by basically her uncles and brother at 3am, crying and scared the trash monsters were going to grab her by her ankles and drag her to hell.


End file.
